How
to Get Your Students to Wear Their Pants at a Respectable Level
First,
try to avoid the awkwardness of noticing the young gentleman in front of you
has his rear end hanging out. Try to look past the fact that his pants are
nearly around his ankles and see the bright future he has ahead of him.
Compliment him. Tell him his hair looks nice. He spent countless hours trying
to get his “J”s to match the rest of his carefully picked out ensemble. Build
up his confidence. But whatever you do, don’t look down.
As
he waddles down C hall, he must maintain his swagger. You can tell his pants
are slipping, but he can’t lose face and pull them up. Your efforts have failed
you. You’ve glanced and now you can’t look away. They’re half way down now. He
stops and nods his head in the direction of one of the freshmen girls. She
looks impressed. Now, they’re nearly to his knees. He bends down to get a drink
from the water fountain. Whoops! No mas. Take him aside. Ask him patiently to
keep his pants pulled up. These efforts, too, will fail.
But
you carry on. You tell him the history of sagging pants. The weakness and inferiority
they represent in jail, how that reflects and affects his image. He scoffs, Tell that to Weezey. You’re not sure if
he’s referring to the wheezing you suffer from due to your asthma or George
Jefferson’s wife “Weezie.” That question will forever remain unanswered. He
nods his head, looking slightly confused. But you’re convinced you got through
to him. As he walks away, you feel satisfied, until you see him the next day.
He’s got red shoes
on today instead of blue. His hair is nicely done. And look he’s even wearing
his pants at a respectable… oh wait. There they go again. Nope. Your eyes
deceived you. His pants are at the same ridiculously low level, and gravity is
not on his side.